Man vs Boy

There comes the point in a man's life where his experiences either force him to level up or he crumbles and perpetuates old behaviours. Experience is life’s best teacher and the beauty of experience is that when you’re not listening, life will repeat the same lesson over and over again until you graduate from that class.

At some point, you may begin to question what separates a boy from a man. You may have witnessed numerous examples from different men and boys you have come across and observed how they live their lives and how they conduct themselves. 

For some, having a strong father figure can enable you to spot certain signs and also give them the grace to understand that whilst we have particular roles that we may have to fulfill, deep down we all still have fragments of our inner child who we are trying to protect, help or evolve. 

Man of your word

When you can stick to what you say and follow through, naturally your confidence begins to increase and you not only rely on yourself but appear more trustworthy to others. Being able to show up for yourself is one of the highest forms of self-love and allows you to stay deeply connected to who you are and gives you more control over your life.

Boy >>>  You say one thing and do the other. You never follow through with things and hardly ever complete tasks. You set goals and make commitments but always fall short in the last hurdle and cannot meet the goals you set. When you say you will arrive somewhere at 7:30 pm you arrive at your destination by 10 pm. You make excuses and are unable to anticipate anything.

Man >>> You are a man of your word. When you say you will do something, it's completed by yesterday. You set goals and almost always reach them and then some. You are a reliable person and people always feel like they can count on you. You have targets and constantly keep yourself accountable for all the commitments you make. You can anticipate and plan because you are extremely proactive. When you say you will arrive somewhere at 7:30 pm you arrive by 7:29 pm. You don’t set unrealistic goals because you know your capabilities which therefore leads you to be mindful about any commitment or goal you make. You don’t talk for the sake of talking. You’re a doer and prefer when your actions speak louder than your words. 

Patience

With more patience, you can make better informed decisions allowing you to be much more calculated and think about various outcomes. Often when we are not patient this leads us to be more impulsive and leads to wrong decisions.

Boy >>> You live for the here and the now and cannot see the bigger picture. You hate waiting and constantly act on your impulses because how you feel in the moment is all that matters. You prefer to take shortcuts and can't see how the long road can be more fruitful and provide long-term beneficial gains. You are easily irritated and expect others to be on the same timeline as you. 

Man >>> You take time to think things through and always focus on the bigger picture. You believe patience is a virtue therefore you’re hesitant to rush things through and prefer to move at an appropriate pace. You take your time to understand things and meet people where they are at. You aren’t easily irritated because you give grace to others and understand that they aren’t you or think like you. You like to plan and sit with things before you make decisions as you understand your impulses and recognise how moments and feelings are fleeting. 

Ego/Pride

Often our ego and pride can get the better of us and can be a huge barrier to living a more fulfilled life. When ego and pride are used incorrectly it can become a disservice to yourself leaving you disappointed and can also drive others away. When you exercise your pride and ego correctly it can become a way to self-regulate yourself and help you become more self-aware and channel things correctly.

Boy >>> Your ego rules you. It’s your way or the highway. You are the only thing that matters therefore as long as you’re satisfied and your needs are met, how this appears or makes others feel isn’t any of your concern. You can be ruthless when you believe you’re in the right and unable to take accountability for your actions. You can never admit to your wrongdoings because, to you, that is accepting defeat. You hate listening to others and see no value in counsel. You live and die by the opinions of others therefore go out of your way to protect the image you uphold.  

Man >>> You recognise you have an ego so therefore you constantly check yourself and ask yourself ‘Where am I operating from? Where are these thoughts coming from? Am I acting like this because of that?’ You constantly humble yourself by ensuring you have the full picture in situations rather than seeing things from your own lens. You seek different perspectives and always strive to get a holistic view of things. You can take accountability and recognise your wrongdoings as you see this as an opportunity to grow and become a better person. You don’t like making the same mistakes twice so analyse yourself regularly and seek counsel to help you come to the right conclusions. This has also enabled you to become a better listener.  

Compassion

Compassion can help to lift the world around you. When you are understanding and develop your emotional intelligence, you can offer a safe space where people feel like they can be their most authentic selves around you. To give freely with no expectations also breeds good karma and allows you to live a life where peace is possible.

Boy >>> You believe you don’t owe anyone anything therefore you are extremely selfish because to you, you are all that matters. You are not understanding and constantly borate people for their decisions. You have high expectations and become extremely disappointed when people have failed you. You hold grudges and make mental notes of when you have felt disappointed.  People feel like they often cannot come to you with their problems or open up as you constantly remind them of their shortcomings and how you expect better. You constantly remind people of their faults and are no help in getting people to do better. You are harsh to others because you're hard on yourself.

Man >>> You understand that we all operate from different paradigms so you take your time in understanding people’s walks of life. You are selfless and understand that we all affect each other in one way or the other. You recognise that you are human and you do not have it all figured out therefore, do not expect others to get things right the first time. You have realistic expectations, you recognise that there are times you have let yourself down so cannot expect others to be perfect. You can remind people of their strengths and motivate others so that they can find the will within themselves to do better and work on their faults. You let things go and move on easily because you don’t hold grudges and dislike harbouring things. When there is an issue you can speak from a place of love and care and always give people grace. You only give harsh love when it's necessary.

Duty

When you recognise your duties in life you are more inclined to set a better example and uphold a particular standard for yourself as you have more responsibility. Having duties can also make you more driven, help keep you accountable and allow you to work on your purpose in life as you have a clear role which continuously needs to be fulfilled. This means there are no days off and you cannot afford the opportunity to slack, or not show up for yourself, which in essence, can help keep you going. 

Boy >>> Your garden is messy, the weeds need to be cut and the path is not clear. There is no direction, the grass is overgrown, there is disorder and tools have been left lying around. You have no care in the world and you are self-serving. As you walk around the chaotic garden you leave a trail with no care for what you knock out of sight. You are avoidant and constantly waiting for the garden to clean itself. You sit around waiting and longing and hoping that the garden will someday appear cleaner but have no ambition to change the situation.

Man >>> You tend to your garden. There are no weeds in sight. You have a clear path that can get you to the end of the garden, it's always in sight. The grass is always low and freshly trimmed. There is no time or season where you allow the grass to be overgrown. You constantly watch to ensure it never goes over your vision for the garden. All your tools have been carefully packed away. You understand that the garden is your priority so consistently serve your garden's needs. You can walk around your garden with pride knowing that you are the reason it looks so great. On days when you may have let the grass grow slightly, you take action to make it right. You never give an excuse and are action-oriented because you know that you cannot afford to sit, wait and long for a better outcome because only you can save and change the destiny of your garden. 

Most of what has been mentioned is a daily practice that lasts a lifetime, but just as muscles become stronger when you work on them consistently, so can you. 

C O N S I D E R . . .

Mind - With a high level of emotional intelligence you can understand, manage, and act on your own emotions as well as the emotions of others.

Body - Creating a space where you can think clearly and self-regulate yourself will help you make better-informed decisions.

Soul - Staying true to yourself, your vision and your goal will allow you to lead a purposeful life.